at work I served an elderly couple high tea. After working five hour straight on a Saturday the servers that are still on take on tables like weights on their backs. So after walking by there table a half dozen times, slowing coming to the realization that they were my table. I approached them, putting my face, hiding how hungry I was, how behind I am due to the fact that people are trained improperly. I ask them how they are and realize that the man is acting strange, the woman was very pleasant and told me they would be getting Afternoon tea for two. I took their order and walked away realizing that he had some sort of Alzheimer's or a related disorder.
Between making my various espresso drinks and tea pots I could not get the idea of that man and woman out of my head. Every time I would walk by and ask them how they were doing I was always greeted with a warm smile and a thank you. This woman would talk to her husband, who seemed, to my eyes not very aware or capable of conversing back, she seemed so happy and context. She did not talk down to him, she did not seemed at all bothered with that fact that he may not be able to understand him, she would talk to him like a person. She would ask him questions, not to keep up with some charade, she seemed so genuine. I wanted to ask her how she could be so strong. I wanted to ask her what kept her going, what made her come to have Afternoon tea with her husband, what made her happy when all the odds are for un-happiness. When she asked me for the check I started to suddenly feel sorry for her, how I feel bad for her in her situation. How maybe I can enter only one Afternoon tea instead of two.
I then realized, I have no reason to feel sorry. I should not take pity on this woman who by all accounts has every reason to be un-happy, to stay at home and sulk, but isn't. Things may not be what the used to for them, but the least I can do is not raise my self above this person who is measures beyond stronger then me.
I'm not sure if you understand what I am getting at, but for some reason I am running myself in circles a lot, but I think it is all for the best.
This school year is shaping up to be completely different then the last. Taking classes I am interested in, meeting people who I will one day have to compete with in the Job market. I will find a way to win, I am very competitive when it comes to certain things, and being more creative, faster(mostly in my car), and higher grades, to name a few.
This school year is also bring a variety of challenges; pulling two all nighters in a row was the high light of it thus far.
I feel like I have four million things to say to everyone but not a single sentence comes to mind.
This New Year was certainly an interesting time, I just hung out with friends; sparklers were involved due to tradition and due to the fact that they are entirely needed to have a good time.
For the second time in a row I meet some one right before Winter break, I wonder if it will happen again next year? I think everyone knows the situation that ensued. I know I may not express my feelings very often but that is just how I am. I am usually a very happy and carefree person, but that in no way means I do not have other ones. It is hard for me to make the first move, tell people I like them, and do things of such. So when something does happen, when I meet someone I get nervous, I come up with excuses an
d act like it's not a big deal. That may have caused the current situation to happen, maybe it did not. I do not know, all I know is that people I trusted, people I liked lied to me, which although I did not show it, although I told everyone whatever, It made me want to throw up, my stomach was in knots when I thought about it. I am trying not to feel like I do not want to be at the house cause It is my house and I refuse to feel like I should not be here. I can not wait to move out, to get away from the place that holds all of those memories I should be able to cherish, the times where I can look back and laugh, the songs I can sing to remember all those times. All I have now is a date to look forward too, bad memories and good songs I can not stand to listen too. All I can say is I hope you continue on your path of bridge burning cause one day you are going to burn yourself onto an island.
For my history of advertising class I have to write a report and the person I picked is turning out to be extremely interesting. His speech's, his attitude
towards life, is process is all something I want to follow. I read what he says and I feel like I can easily subscribe to what he is saying that by reading this I understand exactly what he means and as of right now I can implement all of his wisdom and words of advise.
That is when I realize I have no idea what he is talking about, that although I feel like I have aged, grown, acquired knowledge, I am still so far away from developing/implementing/subscribing to any sort of life strategy. I am far too young, far to understand someone who has decades of experience in the real world, I can barely pay for rent..... This is making me terrified. I am terrified that I wo
nt be able to live up to my own standards let alone some one who is an industry leader, who owns the company I dream of working for. But this is a good thing I feel; although I cant scratch the surface of what he is talking about I am making steps to understand. I have finally picked a goal, picked a place where I want to work, live and prosper. I have made it my goal to understand everything that Dan Wieden means, to work at Wieden+Kennedy, to become an Art Director, to be creative everyday of my life, to travel, and to be able to support myself with my job. That is my goal.
I think that is pretty good.
P.S. I do not think any one knows how much I would love to major in Art History. I am not even lying.
I want to feel the way I feel when I am rushing down the stairs and suddenly realize I forgot how to use the stairs. I forgot how to control my legs, control my nerves, my mind. When I seize up realizing how I just killed myself by using these stupid stairs.
I am out of my mind sometimes ( most of the time).
I need to stop thinking things are going to happen for me. I need to make things happen more often.
Things can never be as easy as going down a flight of stairs can they.
I am not even going to give your argument a rebuttal. Whatever.
School is starting next week and I am beyond excited!!!! Friends are returning and the all nighters and even more naps will begin.
The photo was taken with my 35mm film camera. The subject is our washer and dryer in our kitchen. Apparently ( according to wal-mart film department) my film was exposed to heat and overexposed, which I do not see how this is possible considering all the shots were taken in the dark... odd. They also said that my film got stuck in the tank and I'm assuming that's how all my film had massive light leaks and interesting film shadows. I am not sure if I like the results or not. I am very iffy on this kind of photo aesthetic. I think a photo should be able to stand on its on with out much distractions and major alterations. I am still trying to figure it out.
I do have to admit it does give it a spooky quality to it. who knows.
I need to find another book to read. I search at the local library will hopefully yield a good find, who knows?
Work is starting to look worse and worse, its not the people, they RAWK. Its the managers and the whole system in general. People get screwed out of money all the time and what do that managers say 'keep a better eye on your money' as if it is out fault that we are only making $17 a day! Then they like to have little meetings right in the middle of lunch rush and hold the managers card hostage and that is the only way we can get money or void something, its cool.
I hope it gets better once school starts and the population of Savannah grows a few folds.
I need to start going to bed earlier and getting better sleep. Its 1:50 am and I have work at 9 am, not good.
I have started swimming again. I hope to make it a weekly event even with school. I need to get into shape again! London 2012 I plan on beating Phelps at everything. WATCH OUT WORLD!